Its finally friday and OMG it seems like forever since I started work this week. I started off wrong honestly, I came off of an emotionally draining weekend and then woke up confused Monday, I thought, for some reason I couldn't fathom; that it was Thursday and when I realized that I was wrong, needless to say I was pissed. It seems that my thoughts have drifted from thought to thought today and most come back to the question WHY?
Why are we so inclined to do the things we know are no good for us. Why do we rationalize that it can or will get better even after waiting an eternity? Why do our bosses treat us like slaves and get mad when we call them on it? Why is the gas prices so flexible according to their budgets but not ours? Why can't I just have someone drop a large sum of money in my lap, with no stipulations...just because they know how hard I work and deserve it? Why do I have to struggle to keep food on the table? Why do I have to apply for foodstamps, shouldn't a family with children qualify just because? Why do I get sad for no reason and for any reason? Why is it still 4:30 and not 5? Why don't I have any real plans for this weekend? Why do I have people around that I wish would go away; why are the people I wish were around so far away? I wish I had more answers but I don't...its a hard fact that we humans are not smart enough to answer every question; even if we were, would everyone be happy with the answers?
I have a doctors appointment in two weeks and have to admit, even if only to myself, that I am really nervous about it. I'm at the age where things fall apart on the body. I've been cricking and cracking for a few years now, overweight even longer than that. My child is a diabetic, her father has RA...its only a matter of time before I'm stricken with something too. Noone can get off scott free....look at Job (thats a biblical person people) he suffered all across the board. When I feel this out of sorts I wonder if this is my time to suffer. I have a sneaky suspicion that I will be joining my child on the diabetic train. I have some weird symptoms and don't know what to make of them (hence the doctors appt). I tried to drink coffee twice this week and both times it tastes very burnt, almost nicotine line in the aftertaste. My spit doesn't taste different, just a tingling tongue and nasty feeling. I wonder if my tastebuds are screaming because of the coffee and some good old fashioned toothpaste will clear this up. I'll be a test dummy tomorrow. No coffee for the weekend and see how I feel.
Oh yeah, I woke up trying to exercise today. (note: trying...ha!) I was sleepy and clumsy that when I went to do a lunge I ended up kneeling and praying for the strength to get through the day. Well not an effective attempt at all, but at least my prayer was answered. I made it to near 5 pm and I am "ret to go". I want to go back to the gym regularly, I had such a new stamina when I was making it weekly. I just need to pay them for two months and then I'll be back on track. Harder to fit it in though because of the kids being back in school. I promised myself I'd try and stop making excuses for everythig, I will find the time, I just need to pick a day or three and plan for gas, and then get there.
I wish we had some money to go take the kiddies to see Lion King in 3D....which FYI to anyone who cares, Just because its in 3D doesn't make it new...this movie was already a classic waaaaayyyy back when. I read on twitter that this new millenium generation is trying to take credit for all our old school accomplishments. I say we stand against this. The only thing they have managed all their own is to have their elders completely in terror when the walk down the street. It is so aggravating to have to be the old lady that sits on her porch and complain about the noise, the litter, the bass on the car, the popping of the gum (come on why pop?) it just makes me cringe when I think about how far gone our kids are these days. They are never going to make a contribution to our future world if they don't get taught immediately how to live.
I won't get to preaching right now on my many issues with our communities because like I said, its near 5pm and I wanna go home; but, parents aren't parenting anymore and children are seen as friends instead of children who should be loved, taught and disciplined. Outsiders (the television and video games too) have more influence on our children than we do and thats all I'm saying on that right now.
Food shopping is on my after work Friday to-do list, but I don't want to go because I'm so sleepy. Can we make it one night without food....I know I can but the little munchkins act like the death horse is sitting on the couch if they don't eat....OMG is still not 5.
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