I haven't had the chance to put down what my last experience was like when Courtney came down. It was truly something. He purchased a car after almost 6 months of not having one and then he came down to get it. I have to admit that this trip made me closer to him like you wouldn't believe. It feels different, the connection seemed stronger. We talked a lot, we laughed, I cried, he held me. The kids were themselves and I loved every minute of it. I get bogged down with the titling of our relationship that I was stressing myself out. I have goals that I am trying to accomplish personally, spiritually and holding back on them for the sake of a title has to stop.

We put others feelings before our own all the time, I have also, and will not anymore. I love the dude I swear I do, I miss the companionship of another adult with me, I miss being able to cuddle up at night and feel welcomed and loved. But with all that said, is this worth waiting for. For a long long time there has been talk of "what are you waiting for" "lets just do this already"....but maybe its just the time for me....maybe there's other things I'm not seeing that God knows first (of course he knows). I've learned to take things as they come. I've been able to bounce back from a lot, been able to overcome my own emotions but this new way of handling the emotions is weird...I'm just going with the flow. And truthfully, it feels really good. He tells me now, more than he did before that he loves me everyday. He is claiming to be a part of the family (yes with money too) and it feels good. I can't say that I'll be content with just being "my girlfriend that lives in NC" but for right now, it just feels good to feel good and I'm not pushing.