So theres been a few ups and downs, biggest down is the length of my hair. Yep chopped it clean off (again). I have been doing alot of reading and watching videos, and decided that instead of trying to get the hair I had to become healthy, why not start with a fresh scalp and start from the root....so thats what I've done.
1. Olive oil is great on my hair! Yes plain ole', out the kitchen extra virgin olive oil.
2. I can't use any type of liquid vaseline or petroleum based product because it actually clogs my pores on my scalp and I get these bumps that hurt like the dickens!!! (didn't ask any doctor about that, just my own observation)
3. My hair is not as hard as I thought, and that spot I swore would never grow in has filled in. (okay maybe not completely but definitely without scalp shining through.)
4. I am lazy as who knows who when it comes to doing my hair and I understand now why my hair was so hard and brittle before. I was barely taking care of it.
So off of the hair thing, the relationship that has brought me so much joy has brought me plenty plenty of tears these past few months. Mainly because I started to see things differently and realized why I am so unhappy with him at times. Skipping past all the details of the various arguments we had, because I can't remember them all. I do remember basically begging for attention and wanting my feminine ego caressed with words of love and adoration everyday. Anywho, my biggest problem with the relationship as I come to understand it now is ME. Yep thats right capital M E! Why you say? Why take the blame for his shortcomings? I'll tell you why....it was easier to see the truth in myself than to decipher the lies in him. I know why I expect so much out of him, and it really isn't fair. Not to him or any man for that matter. I spent 10 years in a relationship that ended rather sourly. And after all the time I spent, I don't want to wait and see how this will turn out. I want to jump straight to the happy ending. I felt that him holding back from my happy storybook relationship was his way of telling me he didn't want it. Nope, not true. The truth in all this is that I have my own insecurities and doubts about myself, and and while I will not take the blame 100% I will own up to 85% of the way I felt and why.
Moving from the relationship, Its almost tax time for us!!!! YAY...wheres the streamer????? I have not really put some focus on my plans. Do I really want to go through the process of purchasing a home? Can I even afford to do that with this job? Its so wishy washy at times, I don't know what to expect. I found out that another person got fired. And yes, I know I don't know why they got fired, it still is a bit bothersome because you just never know if and when its your turn. And I'll be damned if I sign on the dotted line a 30 year agreement and lose my job in 2. Its a serious commitment and as you can see with the relationship struggles, commitment is not my forte. I have problems keeping my apartment arranged the same way for more than 2 months. I just moved the couches and tv again because I felt it needed something.
Alrighty, its about that time to hit the streets. Gotta make a potty stop and then head on down the road to home. I need a shower and dinner ideas. What I really need is my check to come now and in the AM.
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