I finally did it and while it wasn't as bold as I imagined it would have been the sheer fact that I picked up a box of red hair color and doused my gray and black tresses with it says alot about my desire to try something new. It came out to be more of a reddish brown and while its not what the box said it should be, its definitely noticeable and different. I'm looking to do another touch up in a few weeks and maybe then I'll hit the red I've been looking for. But for now, I'm enjoying the mini change, and will be conditioning in the process. I found a wonderful website that specializes in natural hair. Never thought I would be the one to go natural, considering I have a background in hair and relaxing, coloring and cutting, weaving braiding was all I was about. But admittedly I have grown quite accustomed to the wash grease and go look. The coloring gives me something new to look at with joy every morning.
Randomized thoughts that have been in my head bursting at the seams....why do women who have success seems to complain about the little things? I mean you have a great job, good money, nice car, family surrounding you and youre complaining about the size of the onions in your chinese food. And not just mentioning I mean all out complaining about you can't eat this, and they should know better...whatever, don't eat 'em then. Why is what my mother thinks more important now at 35 than it was when I was 25. When am I going to get some answers on what this relationship holds for me. How can I move forward in my own life when I keep looking backwards. I never realized how much my past is a part of me. That man I call Satan's apprentice had such a hold on me, and because I was with him during my adult development stages, he has actually shaped me into the aggressive lover that I am today. I can't stand him, he gets on my nerves. I sometimes wish I could go back and ignore him but then I wouldn't have my little ones. Who FYI, are a riot when just listening to them. They went outside to play and oldest of the two says, hey ride your bike and let me tie this rope on the handle bar and tie this end to my scooter and you ride and pull me. Little one says "yeah thats cool"....after figuring out how to tie a rope they start the process and little bit says, you're too heavy, big bit says, then let me ride your bike and you hold the scooter.....well if you have kids, or have been around some, you know the next step borders or parental abuse, because I did not stop them from this insanity....big bit starts peddling before little bit can get her footing and supermans it about 2 feet, skinned kness and bruised ego in tow....comes to mommy who is trying to compose herself from laughter and kisses the boo boo and lotions the legs and sends her right back out there again......all to see what???? yep you guessed....they tried again except this time, they get a countdown so everybody is ready....it for about a second and a half, but little bit got tired of falling so they gave up and played in the mulch by the house. I love my kids, I can't imagine not having them. If it means I'd have to repeat the 10 year stint in Hell then so be it, just as long as I could end up right where I am now. Away and full of peace. I don't know whats for dinner, but its a shame that a single parent who is trying to make a better and decent life for 3 children is denied foodstamps on the basis of me making 60 bucks over their limit. $60??? I mean, they don't even calculate the car payment and insurance....I'd gladly stop paying the insurance, but then I'd get tickets and whose gonna pay those. Maybe I should stop paying and then take the tickets to foodstamp people and tell them to pay it....they'd deny that too I'm sure. very frustrating. I left my lunch at home today and opted for chinese food. Problem with it is that it hits your gut like a brick and then just that fast, you start feeling acid in your gut....maybe thats just me.
My eldest child is 16 and full of attitude. I don't think she even means to be that way, I don't even know if she realizes that she is full of it...but my patience is thin...and my pms is close. I'd tread softly if I were here. I remember jumping up and flying across my bed and slap her upside the head for some smart remark...the look on her face...priceless! I have alll kinds of pain in my body these days and wonder if I'll be stricken with the old lady walk and wardrode to match. I'm not old enough to be hobbling along with a cane, but there are days when thats exactly what I want. My little kids had a dance at school and I actually shook a tail feather and it was fun. I forgot how much I used to dance around the house and sing; albeit horribly and loud, I had so much life then. So I'm going to buy me my Erykah Badu cd's again and maybe even an old school mix cd if I can remember a good one or two.....blast my radio like the other ghetabulous fools, open my back door and let the air blow in and sing my head off...dance circles in the living room with my kids, roll around on the floor...I might even turn on my xbox and play with them this time, instead of just watching. I can't let the pain stop me from being me can I? They always say, moving is the best cure for stiffness....so moving is what I'll do. I want a treadmill or elliptical. I want to put one in my living room and just move on it.....maybe during tax time I will....New Year New You they say every year...I'll wait for a sale....gotta be down at least a size by summer. and i want to have some toning on my lower half....gotta drop it like its hot (in my snoop dogg voice).....4:30 has finally made it working on eldest's hat and its coming along pretty nicely. I just don't know....tired of the excuses, the stories, the reasons....fill your life with those details, I like this blank page I'm staring at...its my story not yours....I'm rewriting my book so if you don't want to jump in with me...exit stage left.
