Bag Lady

So most people (unless you were in a cave on an island) know Erykah Badus Bag Lady song...the entire album is probably in my top spot for favorite albums ever made. Anyway the point is with this song, I had a thought and just had to start getting it out, because as most people know, my friend circle is so small I didn't have choices when it comes to presenting my thoughts. So we all have relationships, romantic or otherwise, and the issues that cause us pain or doubt or any type of feeling we carry on into our next relationship, romantic or otherwise. So my old relationship with Chris was filled with more downs than ups, but I realized that it shaped me into the woman I am. A woman that is seeking change because I don't like the woman I was when I left him. I planted my new roots in NC and was completely unsure of every step I took. All I knew how to do was survive one bad instance to the next. I knew how to be a mom, I knew how to fight, I knew how to take care of business but I forgot how to love a man the right way. I knew and know now that I am more than capable of loving a man and creating that happy home that is part of the American dream. What I am still unsure of is how to tell if the one you want your future to be with is ready for it too.

Okay, moving back to the lyrics and why they are so important to me.....

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way

So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh

Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can't hurry up
Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
Niggas take off runnin
From you it's true oh yes they do

One day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
I said one day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space

So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh

Girl I know sometimes it's hard
And we can't let go
Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside
You can't deny it you can't stop crying
So oh, oh, oh
If you start breathin
Then you won't believe it
You'll feel so much better
(So much better baby)

Bag lady
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Ooh, ooh
Girl you don't need it
I betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Need someone to love you right)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, I betcha love, oh)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Oh...)
Betcha love can make it better...

Bag lady, hmm
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Girl you don't need that, hmm

Yes thats a lot of repeating of the same words, but I listened to the words one day and felt like I finally got it.....Erykah is not prophet of love and life but for me, it clicked.

Leaving a friendship behind, leaving a relationship behind, a job, an apartment, a city....these are all things that leave us feeling some type of way and make us react in an old way when we feel those feelings creeping up again.
No we shouldn't hold on to the past and keep an account for the injury so to speak, but we should learn from each obstacle. Don't make your next move so unattractive that people look at you like you have the problem. I have an old friend who was just like that and in my attempt to be nothing like her, I started to become just like her by not trusting, by holding everybody at a distance. I have to learn to open my mouth and say when things bother me and not let people guilt me into feeling the way they do. I mean, life is hard enough without repeating the same mistakes.

I also understand this song to mean its okay to feel the hurt, and if we take the time to understand and move on we, as women, will feel so much better. Ever notice how freeing it is to cry it out and take the next step towards something different.....? I have and while its scary as hell to believe that you won't fall flat on your face, its also exciting to experience something other than the same old hurt and disappointment. I've given me the opportunity to feel again and so far so good.....the feelings are real feelings, real feelings of hurt, real feelings of love, real doubt, real care and concern....that life I lived before was just trying to make it...now its about trying to live it.