Thursday, May 31, 2012
Hair Breakdown
Sooo, I couldn't wait for the smooth n shine kit....I got all PMSy and emotional one morning and put a perm in my hair.....I know right? What the heck was I thinking.....I was thinking that I wanted to straighten my hair and see how long it got....and by the way...its down to my neck...I think I can squeeze out a teeny tiny pony tail. Anyway, I also thought that since the smooth n shine thing is a semi permanent and also less harsh that I'd use it on Audrey because shes a kid. So I'm sticking with that idea....I of course have passed the PMS emotion and will be cutting my hair shortly...but until then, I will experiment with some color (yes again)....i'm going all the way red this time...not the safe brownish red...I mean firecracker red...scary punk rocker red! Okay maybe not that far but definitely not brown.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Domesticated is NOT a Bad Word
Somebody I used to work with told me that I was such a domesticated woman....I was immediately put off, taken aback, shocked....speechless, all that! I didn't know what she meant...it came out so suddenly, and baring all self esteem issues at the time, I thought she was degrading me without degrading me. I was knitting at the time, and talking to other people then about my love for creating things.
Flash forward to today, I just had the domesticated word run through my brain and I realized its not bad to be a domesticated female. I am someone who loves to knit, crochet, recently learning to sew....I want to garden, to create shelves for the house, build one of a kind things for the house....yeah, domesticated. I like to do hair, I like to make beauty products that work for my hair. I love to experiment with spa stuff.....so all around I think I'm 100% woman. Not meant to be a housewife, even though I could probably adapt. Not meant to just be a mom, even though I'm pretty good at that so far. I am a well rounded top grade of woman that is pretty much nonexistent these days. Many women I run into always say, "oh you knit, I always wanted to learn but....." or "I don't have time for that...I'll just buy it from the store". I can admit that everything that I know how to do is by no means what I do every day. I do maintain a full time job and have three daughters to raise. Fiddling with arts and crafts doesn't pay the bills or feed the kiddies. But I will say this, when somebody pops a button off of a shirt, I can sew it back on. When somebody skins their knee, I don't have to run for a band aid, I got alternatives. If its cold and I'm bored at home, (there's only so much reality TV you can watch) I can knock out a few scarves and hats just because. I have projects going all the time because I'm an all the time type of woman.
There's more to me than just being a mom and girlfriend and friend. I like digging in the dirt and watching life sprout because I remembered to water the plants. I haven't succeeded in getting my veggies to grow yet...but I'm still trying. So my life is filled with domestication....I love it, I actually live for it. I can braid hair, style hair, sew a zipper, hem a skirt. I can bake some bread, scale a fish and even hang a shelf or two. I can kill the bugs, get rid of the cobwebs and all that in between stuff. Proud to be me. A domesticated WOMAN!
Flash forward to today, I just had the domesticated word run through my brain and I realized its not bad to be a domesticated female. I am someone who loves to knit, crochet, recently learning to sew....I want to garden, to create shelves for the house, build one of a kind things for the house....yeah, domesticated. I like to do hair, I like to make beauty products that work for my hair. I love to experiment with spa stuff.....so all around I think I'm 100% woman. Not meant to be a housewife, even though I could probably adapt. Not meant to just be a mom, even though I'm pretty good at that so far. I am a well rounded top grade of woman that is pretty much nonexistent these days. Many women I run into always say, "oh you knit, I always wanted to learn but....." or "I don't have time for that...I'll just buy it from the store". I can admit that everything that I know how to do is by no means what I do every day. I do maintain a full time job and have three daughters to raise. Fiddling with arts and crafts doesn't pay the bills or feed the kiddies. But I will say this, when somebody pops a button off of a shirt, I can sew it back on. When somebody skins their knee, I don't have to run for a band aid, I got alternatives. If its cold and I'm bored at home, (there's only so much reality TV you can watch) I can knock out a few scarves and hats just because. I have projects going all the time because I'm an all the time type of woman.
There's more to me than just being a mom and girlfriend and friend. I like digging in the dirt and watching life sprout because I remembered to water the plants. I haven't succeeded in getting my veggies to grow yet...but I'm still trying. So my life is filled with domestication....I love it, I actually live for it. I can braid hair, style hair, sew a zipper, hem a skirt. I can bake some bread, scale a fish and even hang a shelf or two. I can kill the bugs, get rid of the cobwebs and all that in between stuff. Proud to be me. A domesticated WOMAN!
Back at it....
I went hard at the gym yesterday...not with cardio but with weights...I'm surprised I'm not more sore. Probably a hint at my future days....well it felt good anyway. Did some crunches to work out the gut...but gotta tell you it felt great! It's amazing to see how your stamina improves when you continue doing something. I did some cardio to begin and was amazed still that in only 10 minutes I could burn 115 calories. I mean if....and a BIG if.....I could pull that off daily about 6 times a day...I'd be right where I want to be with my calorie burn goal daily.
I have to attend a defensive driving course in order to avoid getting points on my license. I got this ticket back in December I think, but they only offer the course once a month. And the one time I was ready to go back in February, I forgot you had to pay $20 and of course I didn't have it, so I had to wait and wait some more. Fortunately, this time around, my aunt sent me some money and I was able to save it for todays grand event. Its two whole hours....two hours???? Uuugghhhh.
I look forward to the weekend because after this one that passed, I really want to lay around and relax. I'll have to talk about that later....cuz my word, what a Sunday that was.
I have to attend a defensive driving course in order to avoid getting points on my license. I got this ticket back in December I think, but they only offer the course once a month. And the one time I was ready to go back in February, I forgot you had to pay $20 and of course I didn't have it, so I had to wait and wait some more. Fortunately, this time around, my aunt sent me some money and I was able to save it for todays grand event. Its two whole hours....two hours???? Uuugghhhh.
I look forward to the weekend because after this one that passed, I really want to lay around and relax. I'll have to talk about that later....cuz my word, what a Sunday that was.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Mortality
Its 4:21 pm on a Thursday and I am in so much discomfort and pain that I can't help but think about my own mortality. Death is not something that I think I fear its the reality of death for my children that I fear the most. I can't imagine how they would survive without a MOM. A person who will love them no matter what the decisions were that they made, a person who has tried to hold everything together just for them. Where is this thought coming from? Well, I have been suffering with so much pain these past few months and it seems like its only getting worse. I'm almost positive stress is a big factor to the tweaks and twerks I experience everyday, but for the most part, the pain and discomfort I feel has just been a part of me for so long I've learned to ignore it.
I never imagined what getting OLD would be like, I imagined getting older and slowly aging. Reminiscing on times of old when I used to make snap decisions, dance hard for hours without so much as a cramp, drink and drink till the bottle was empty, change hairstyles because I could, get risky with leather pants and halter tops (okay never a halter top, cuz the girls man...they always been in the way)....but yeah I remember those days. Being a single 20 something, thinking I had all the answers to my life's problems, thinking I knew all there was to know about relationships, love and family. I don't know when exactly I realized that I didn't know squat....but I'm guessing somewhere around when I had three kids a bad relationship that ended and a new love that was driving me insane.
Well in between all this I kinda realized what was important and what wasn't, my health is important my children take top priority. My family, my friends, my love. My self respect, my self worth, my confidence my abilities, conquering my fears, managing my finances....these are all things that have become apart of me the woman at 35 years old. I wish I had an opportunity to actually document all the drama that went on in my life because it would truly be something for the kids to read and learn from in the future. I have pain in my body; an uneasy feeling of "just not right". Doctors want to give pills so I've stayed away from them for so long that going now would just a stab in the dark for them, because I don't have a real medical history other than "she has had three healthy children".
Word to the wise for anyone that cares to hear me, stay away from WEBMD and other such self diagnosis sites....I've had cancer, AIDS, ectopic pregnancies, gout, acid reflux (that was valid), glaucoma, diabetes, and angina.....Well the pain hurts now and while I'm tempted to take a glance at what the cyber docs might have to say, I'll just wait till my appointment comes and try to explain every little detail about my issues. If I had to play amateur doctor, I'd say that the shoulder is bruised because last year when I moved into my place we slept on the floor and since then I've had the same tweak and it just won't go away...maybe I bruised something. Ankle been messed up since I sprained it almost two years ago and the aches and pain, I'm thinking arthritis.....There's some other stuff but I don't feel like typing it all out...lets just say the pain is more annoying than the other stuff...the other things are just a little bit annoying.
Mortality just makes me think of what I could do with the little bit of life I have on this earth. I want to be a great mom and a memorable person in every one's lives who knows me. I always imagined doing something magnificent to be remembered like making an invention that was so spectacular that people would know me for years. I often wonder if something did happen to me would my kids ever forget me because they are so young.....(tears rolling...one moment)......
Okay no more on that, you all know how much I love them and that's that...
I made my appointment for next week Thursday, cuz its time to go. I hate not knowing, and sometimes, knowing is just as nerve racking. Ever since the money from SSI was cut and the Food Stamps was cancelled to next to nothing, I have realized that my financial situation is very bleak. It is nearly impossible to survive in this world with your spirituality in tact. I want to take another job in the evening, but don't want to sacrifice time with my kids, time away from my worship and service. I want to get rid of my car to take away the burden of car payments, but I need that to go to work. I always thought that having a job that paid 13 or more per hour would be such a great help to me....(secret****its not****). Once your income goes up, your ability to rely on people, government or other goes waaaaay down; and, theres nothing you can do about it. I have no food at home, the kids call and say their hungry, there isn't ready to eat stuff there so they must wait till I get home before they can eat. I'll have to teach Audrey how to really cook a few things because buying prepackaged food is just not cutting it for us financially. Oh boy, so many more thoughts and not enough energy or tears and tissue to keep this up. Its just about time to leave work and head on home. Curry chicken is on the menu...might even try some coconut rice, but I don't think I have any coconut milk...just coconut flakes....hhmmmmmm.....decisions decisions....
I never imagined what getting OLD would be like, I imagined getting older and slowly aging. Reminiscing on times of old when I used to make snap decisions, dance hard for hours without so much as a cramp, drink and drink till the bottle was empty, change hairstyles because I could, get risky with leather pants and halter tops (okay never a halter top, cuz the girls man...they always been in the way)....but yeah I remember those days. Being a single 20 something, thinking I had all the answers to my life's problems, thinking I knew all there was to know about relationships, love and family. I don't know when exactly I realized that I didn't know squat....but I'm guessing somewhere around when I had three kids a bad relationship that ended and a new love that was driving me insane.
Well in between all this I kinda realized what was important and what wasn't, my health is important my children take top priority. My family, my friends, my love. My self respect, my self worth, my confidence my abilities, conquering my fears, managing my finances....these are all things that have become apart of me the woman at 35 years old. I wish I had an opportunity to actually document all the drama that went on in my life because it would truly be something for the kids to read and learn from in the future. I have pain in my body; an uneasy feeling of "just not right". Doctors want to give pills so I've stayed away from them for so long that going now would just a stab in the dark for them, because I don't have a real medical history other than "she has had three healthy children".
Word to the wise for anyone that cares to hear me, stay away from WEBMD and other such self diagnosis sites....I've had cancer, AIDS, ectopic pregnancies, gout, acid reflux (that was valid), glaucoma, diabetes, and angina.....Well the pain hurts now and while I'm tempted to take a glance at what the cyber docs might have to say, I'll just wait till my appointment comes and try to explain every little detail about my issues. If I had to play amateur doctor, I'd say that the shoulder is bruised because last year when I moved into my place we slept on the floor and since then I've had the same tweak and it just won't go away...maybe I bruised something. Ankle been messed up since I sprained it almost two years ago and the aches and pain, I'm thinking arthritis.....There's some other stuff but I don't feel like typing it all out...lets just say the pain is more annoying than the other stuff...the other things are just a little bit annoying.
Mortality just makes me think of what I could do with the little bit of life I have on this earth. I want to be a great mom and a memorable person in every one's lives who knows me. I always imagined doing something magnificent to be remembered like making an invention that was so spectacular that people would know me for years. I often wonder if something did happen to me would my kids ever forget me because they are so young.....(tears rolling...one moment)......
Okay no more on that, you all know how much I love them and that's that...
I made my appointment for next week Thursday, cuz its time to go. I hate not knowing, and sometimes, knowing is just as nerve racking. Ever since the money from SSI was cut and the Food Stamps was cancelled to next to nothing, I have realized that my financial situation is very bleak. It is nearly impossible to survive in this world with your spirituality in tact. I want to take another job in the evening, but don't want to sacrifice time with my kids, time away from my worship and service. I want to get rid of my car to take away the burden of car payments, but I need that to go to work. I always thought that having a job that paid 13 or more per hour would be such a great help to me....(secret****its not****). Once your income goes up, your ability to rely on people, government or other goes waaaaay down; and, theres nothing you can do about it. I have no food at home, the kids call and say their hungry, there isn't ready to eat stuff there so they must wait till I get home before they can eat. I'll have to teach Audrey how to really cook a few things because buying prepackaged food is just not cutting it for us financially. Oh boy, so many more thoughts and not enough energy or tears and tissue to keep this up. Its just about time to leave work and head on home. Curry chicken is on the menu...might even try some coconut rice, but I don't think I have any coconut milk...just coconut flakes....hhmmmmmm.....decisions decisions....
Thursday, April 26, 2012
I haven't had the chance to put down what my last experience was like when Courtney came down. It was truly something. He purchased a car after almost 6 months of not having one and then he came down to get it. I have to admit that this trip made me closer to him like you wouldn't believe. It feels different, the connection seemed stronger. We talked a lot, we laughed, I cried, he held me. The kids were themselves and I loved every minute of it. I get bogged down with the titling of our relationship that I was stressing myself out. I have goals that I am trying to accomplish personally, spiritually and holding back on them for the sake of a title has to stop.
We put others feelings before our own all the time, I have also, and will not anymore. I love the dude I swear I do, I miss the companionship of another adult with me, I miss being able to cuddle up at night and feel welcomed and loved. But with all that said, is this worth waiting for. For a long long time there has been talk of "what are you waiting for" "lets just do this already"....but maybe its just the time for me....maybe there's other things I'm not seeing that God knows first (of course he knows). I've learned to take things as they come. I've been able to bounce back from a lot, been able to overcome my own emotions but this new way of handling the emotions is weird...I'm just going with the flow. And truthfully, it feels really good. He tells me now, more than he did before that he loves me everyday. He is claiming to be a part of the family (yes with money too) and it feels good. I can't say that I'll be content with just being "my girlfriend that lives in NC" but for right now, it just feels good to feel good and I'm not pushing.
We put others feelings before our own all the time, I have also, and will not anymore. I love the dude I swear I do, I miss the companionship of another adult with me, I miss being able to cuddle up at night and feel welcomed and loved. But with all that said, is this worth waiting for. For a long long time there has been talk of "what are you waiting for" "lets just do this already"....but maybe its just the time for me....maybe there's other things I'm not seeing that God knows first (of course he knows). I've learned to take things as they come. I've been able to bounce back from a lot, been able to overcome my own emotions but this new way of handling the emotions is weird...I'm just going with the flow. And truthfully, it feels really good. He tells me now, more than he did before that he loves me everyday. He is claiming to be a part of the family (yes with money too) and it feels good. I can't say that I'll be content with just being "my girlfriend that lives in NC" but for right now, it just feels good to feel good and I'm not pushing.
I'm at it again
So theres been a few ups and downs, biggest down is the length of my hair. Yep chopped it clean off (again). I have been doing alot of reading and watching videos, and decided that instead of trying to get the hair I had to become healthy, why not start with a fresh scalp and start from the root....so thats what I've done.
1. Olive oil is great on my hair! Yes plain ole', out the kitchen extra virgin olive oil.
2. I can't use any type of liquid vaseline or petroleum based product because it actually clogs my pores on my scalp and I get these bumps that hurt like the dickens!!! (didn't ask any doctor about that, just my own observation)
3. My hair is not as hard as I thought, and that spot I swore would never grow in has filled in. (okay maybe not completely but definitely without scalp shining through.)
4. I am lazy as who knows who when it comes to doing my hair and I understand now why my hair was so hard and brittle before. I was barely taking care of it.
So off of the hair thing, the relationship that has brought me so much joy has brought me plenty plenty of tears these past few months. Mainly because I started to see things differently and realized why I am so unhappy with him at times. Skipping past all the details of the various arguments we had, because I can't remember them all. I do remember basically begging for attention and wanting my feminine ego caressed with words of love and adoration everyday. Anywho, my biggest problem with the relationship as I come to understand it now is ME. Yep thats right capital M E! Why you say? Why take the blame for his shortcomings? I'll tell you why....it was easier to see the truth in myself than to decipher the lies in him. I know why I expect so much out of him, and it really isn't fair. Not to him or any man for that matter. I spent 10 years in a relationship that ended rather sourly. And after all the time I spent, I don't want to wait and see how this will turn out. I want to jump straight to the happy ending. I felt that him holding back from my happy storybook relationship was his way of telling me he didn't want it. Nope, not true. The truth in all this is that I have my own insecurities and doubts about myself, and and while I will not take the blame 100% I will own up to 85% of the way I felt and why.
Moving from the relationship, Its almost tax time for us!!!! YAY...wheres the streamer????? I have not really put some focus on my plans. Do I really want to go through the process of purchasing a home? Can I even afford to do that with this job? Its so wishy washy at times, I don't know what to expect. I found out that another person got fired. And yes, I know I don't know why they got fired, it still is a bit bothersome because you just never know if and when its your turn. And I'll be damned if I sign on the dotted line a 30 year agreement and lose my job in 2. Its a serious commitment and as you can see with the relationship struggles, commitment is not my forte. I have problems keeping my apartment arranged the same way for more than 2 months. I just moved the couches and tv again because I felt it needed something.
Alrighty, its about that time to hit the streets. Gotta make a potty stop and then head on down the road to home. I need a shower and dinner ideas. What I really need is my check to come now and in the AM.
1. Olive oil is great on my hair! Yes plain ole', out the kitchen extra virgin olive oil.
2. I can't use any type of liquid vaseline or petroleum based product because it actually clogs my pores on my scalp and I get these bumps that hurt like the dickens!!! (didn't ask any doctor about that, just my own observation)
3. My hair is not as hard as I thought, and that spot I swore would never grow in has filled in. (okay maybe not completely but definitely without scalp shining through.)
4. I am lazy as who knows who when it comes to doing my hair and I understand now why my hair was so hard and brittle before. I was barely taking care of it.
So off of the hair thing, the relationship that has brought me so much joy has brought me plenty plenty of tears these past few months. Mainly because I started to see things differently and realized why I am so unhappy with him at times. Skipping past all the details of the various arguments we had, because I can't remember them all. I do remember basically begging for attention and wanting my feminine ego caressed with words of love and adoration everyday. Anywho, my biggest problem with the relationship as I come to understand it now is ME. Yep thats right capital M E! Why you say? Why take the blame for his shortcomings? I'll tell you why....it was easier to see the truth in myself than to decipher the lies in him. I know why I expect so much out of him, and it really isn't fair. Not to him or any man for that matter. I spent 10 years in a relationship that ended rather sourly. And after all the time I spent, I don't want to wait and see how this will turn out. I want to jump straight to the happy ending. I felt that him holding back from my happy storybook relationship was his way of telling me he didn't want it. Nope, not true. The truth in all this is that I have my own insecurities and doubts about myself, and and while I will not take the blame 100% I will own up to 85% of the way I felt and why.
Moving from the relationship, Its almost tax time for us!!!! YAY...wheres the streamer????? I have not really put some focus on my plans. Do I really want to go through the process of purchasing a home? Can I even afford to do that with this job? Its so wishy washy at times, I don't know what to expect. I found out that another person got fired. And yes, I know I don't know why they got fired, it still is a bit bothersome because you just never know if and when its your turn. And I'll be damned if I sign on the dotted line a 30 year agreement and lose my job in 2. Its a serious commitment and as you can see with the relationship struggles, commitment is not my forte. I have problems keeping my apartment arranged the same way for more than 2 months. I just moved the couches and tv again because I felt it needed something.
Alrighty, its about that time to hit the streets. Gotta make a potty stop and then head on down the road to home. I need a shower and dinner ideas. What I really need is my check to come now and in the AM.
Bag Lady
So most people (unless you were in a cave on an island) know Erykah Badus Bag Lady song...the entire album is probably in my top spot for favorite albums ever made. Anyway the point is with this song, I had a thought and just had to start getting it out, because as most people know, my friend circle is so small I didn't have choices when it comes to presenting my thoughts. So we all have relationships, romantic or otherwise, and the issues that cause us pain or doubt or any type of feeling we carry on into our next relationship, romantic or otherwise. So my old relationship with Chris was filled with more downs than ups, but I realized that it shaped me into the woman I am. A woman that is seeking change because I don't like the woman I was when I left him. I planted my new roots in NC and was completely unsure of every step I took. All I knew how to do was survive one bad instance to the next. I knew how to be a mom, I knew how to fight, I knew how to take care of business but I forgot how to love a man the right way. I knew and know now that I am more than capable of loving a man and creating that happy home that is part of the American dream. What I am still unsure of is how to tell if the one you want your future to be with is ready for it too.
Okay, moving back to the lyrics and why they are so important to me.....
Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you
One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way
So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh
Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can't hurry up
Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
Niggas take off runnin
From you it's true oh yes they do
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
I said one day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh
Girl I know sometimes it's hard
And we can't let go
Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside
You can't deny it you can't stop crying
So oh, oh, oh
If you start breathin
Then you won't believe it
You'll feel so much better
(So much better baby)
Bag lady
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Ooh, ooh
Girl you don't need it
I betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Need someone to love you right)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, I betcha love, oh)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Oh...)
Betcha love can make it better...
Bag lady, hmm
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Girl you don't need that, hmm
Yes thats a lot of repeating of the same words, but I listened to the words one day and felt like I finally got it.....Erykah is not prophet of love and life but for me, it clicked.
Leaving a friendship behind, leaving a relationship behind, a job, an apartment, a city....these are all things that leave us feeling some type of way and make us react in an old way when we feel those feelings creeping up again.
No we shouldn't hold on to the past and keep an account for the injury so to speak, but we should learn from each obstacle. Don't make your next move so unattractive that people look at you like you have the problem. I have an old friend who was just like that and in my attempt to be nothing like her, I started to become just like her by not trusting, by holding everybody at a distance. I have to learn to open my mouth and say when things bother me and not let people guilt me into feeling the way they do. I mean, life is hard enough without repeating the same mistakes.
I also understand this song to mean its okay to feel the hurt, and if we take the time to understand and move on we, as women, will feel so much better. Ever notice how freeing it is to cry it out and take the next step towards something different.....? I have and while its scary as hell to believe that you won't fall flat on your face, its also exciting to experience something other than the same old hurt and disappointment. I've given me the opportunity to feel again and so far so good.....the feelings are real feelings, real feelings of hurt, real feelings of love, real doubt, real care and concern....that life I lived before was just trying to make it...now its about trying to live it.
Okay, moving back to the lyrics and why they are so important to me.....
Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you
One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way
So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh
Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can't hurry up
Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
Niggas take off runnin
From you it's true oh yes they do
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
I said one day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh
Girl I know sometimes it's hard
And we can't let go
Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside
You can't deny it you can't stop crying
So oh, oh, oh
If you start breathin
Then you won't believe it
You'll feel so much better
(So much better baby)
Bag lady
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Ooh, ooh
Girl you don't need it
I betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Need someone to love you right)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, betcha love)
Betcha love can make it better
(I betcha love, I betcha love, oh)
Betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
(Oh...)
Betcha love can make it better...
Bag lady, hmm
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Girl you don't need that, hmm
Yes thats a lot of repeating of the same words, but I listened to the words one day and felt like I finally got it.....Erykah is not prophet of love and life but for me, it clicked.
Leaving a friendship behind, leaving a relationship behind, a job, an apartment, a city....these are all things that leave us feeling some type of way and make us react in an old way when we feel those feelings creeping up again.
No we shouldn't hold on to the past and keep an account for the injury so to speak, but we should learn from each obstacle. Don't make your next move so unattractive that people look at you like you have the problem. I have an old friend who was just like that and in my attempt to be nothing like her, I started to become just like her by not trusting, by holding everybody at a distance. I have to learn to open my mouth and say when things bother me and not let people guilt me into feeling the way they do. I mean, life is hard enough without repeating the same mistakes.
I also understand this song to mean its okay to feel the hurt, and if we take the time to understand and move on we, as women, will feel so much better. Ever notice how freeing it is to cry it out and take the next step towards something different.....? I have and while its scary as hell to believe that you won't fall flat on your face, its also exciting to experience something other than the same old hurt and disappointment. I've given me the opportunity to feel again and so far so good.....the feelings are real feelings, real feelings of hurt, real feelings of love, real doubt, real care and concern....that life I lived before was just trying to make it...now its about trying to live it.
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